My Life

September 11, 2015

8 pm

I feel like I'm dying now. Of course we are every day. But I'm really sick. Whatever is growing in my lung, it's right next to my heart. I don't have much energy anymore, I just want to sleep. I fractured my own ribs, I can barely move. I can't work much. I need a toilet upstairs, walking up and down the stairs is hurting me more. The tumor on my ovary is sitting on my bladder and making me pee a lot. It's all making me not want to drink much water so I won't have to go. It's pathetic. I've become so depressed and sick, I don't want to eat. Nothing smells good. Nothing even tastes good, I hope it's all these physical issues. I had no idea how sick I was.

 

I've accomplished a lot. I made a lot of friends. I made a lot of people believe in dreams. I went to school five times. My grandparents took me all over the US. I saw the Grand Canyon, Niagra Falls, Florida, Massachusettes and many places in between. I spent a lot of time at the beach in Delaware, as a kid and as an adult. I worked in gas stations for ten years and then a dive hair salon (5 years) next to the dirtiest river in the US and met every kind of person you can imagine. I've traveled the US, I've conquered not only my demons but the devil himself. Yea, I believe he's real and I've met him. I also believe that I made him fall in love. Not with me but he does take care of me. In ways that just seem so unreal. I'm trying to accept that I will probably die alone. It's in my birth chart. It's why I've lived the life I have. I was determined to go find my soul mate. But here I sit, at 35, alone.

 

My mom, well, she's a very negative, close minded person. She is very difficult to live with. I have done the best I can to get along with her but she doesn't like me. She loves me yes, but like, no. She does not approve of anything I do or anything I want. Maybe it's a good thing tho, it makes me want to be me even more. I wish she would learn to accept me a little more and it weren't so stressing.

 

 

I guess it's all ok, I have lived a great life. I made this site so that whenever someone misses me, I'm here. Everything you ever wanted to know, except all my thoughts of  course, there are too many of them. My bucket list is short.  (6) See the Bolivia Salt Flats (5) See a 'wild' bear (4) travel on a big jet (3) Find valuable treasure (2) visit at least one island, Jamaica, to swim in a tropical waterfall and of course (1) fall in love with someone who is in love with me and stay in love forever

 

So some are almost impossible and the rest too expensive. And number one, well, I've thought I was in love so many times, I guess that's a blessing too. I really did think I was in love for awhile, so that's love, right?? 

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