10pm I just can't get a break. My eye is finally getting better. The lump is almost gone, barely any redness and it doesn't hurt. But then my phone freezes while updating and I have to restore it. I've lost all my pics and I'm hoping all the important ones are saved in dropbox but I had way more than they allowed for free. And then I find out that I can't even sync it to my computer. That's what I get for buying a real cheap computer and not keeping up in the know of what's new. It has XP and it expired a long time ago. And of course it's being difficult to get a newer version. FML
And then I sleep way too long again because I'm having nightmares still. I stay asleep hoping they will change and I can wake up happy. But no, I'm pissed and sad. Thankfully more pissed, I'm so sick of crying. I dreamed about being alone and sad, cleaning my house while that guy was next door. I am losing my mind. I don't understand why I can't find someone man enough to take care of me and this house. Why do they all run?? Yea, I'm awesome, I know that. I know I deserve the best, so why the fuck can't I find it??
And why can't that asshole stop thinking about me and let me get over it?? Yea, it would have been pretty fucking great for so many reasons. He should have been here months ago when he could have had a beutiful, smart, amazing woman who loves everyone unconditionally. But he chose to live in a drug world full of poverty and greed because he's a selfish coward who can't accept love and me. All he has done is make me want to hate him. I don't even want to go outside for fear of seeing him and how much it will hurt. I hate that he has done this to me and made my life so fucking difficult. Yea, I was wanting him to come back. Until he did and came back for money, not for me, not for his friend and not to help anyone but his own desire for money, the root of all evil. Proving just how selfish he is. I wish he would just get lost and never show his face around here again.
I need an escape. I'm way too emotional, mental, sober and poor. Can't anyone help me out??