8am I've been thinking and wishing that my dad was here for several months now. I've wondered if I would have as many problems as I do with males. He was a Scorpio, we would have gotten along very well and maybe he could help me.
A few months ago, I was looking for his binder over at my moms. She does family history and has a binder full of stuff on every single blood relative we have and their spouses. (Yes folks, if she can get a copy of any thing that was on paper involving you, she has it and you have your own binder. I'm pretty sure that she would gladly hand it over if you want it and ask nicely. I believe that is why she has done it.....to help you remember what you've been through while here on Earth)
I never found my dads binder but I did find a copy of his death certificate in one of the many binders she has on me. I took a pic of it and did his birth chart. I also found a binder of pics from the bar she owned. The one on old Bloom Road, I believe it's a Roadhouse at the moment. It was Busters at one time. Buster was my dads nickname and those people remodeled the bar. When my mom had it, it was falling apart and called The Hide-A-Way (she still has some business cards filed away). She lived in the apartments above it and I stayed there a few times. I remember my cousin and I falling down the basement stairs one night while we tried sneaking a look in the open bar. I also remember there were a couple mornings I went down to the bar before my mom took me to kindergarten and I would go over to the jukebox, reach around the back and flip the switch so I could play music free, I love any thing free (I hate money). I always played "Old Time Rock and Roll" and I danced my heart out on that bar floor. The radio still plays that song for me often and I always think about dancing in that bar.
In that binder of pics from the bar, I found a pic of my dad. Standing at the bar, next to my mom. But I don't remember him, I have absolutely no memories of my dad. And now I lost all my pics, including that one. But I will go get another one.
So I've been wishing I did know him and have been pretty sad that I don't remember him. All my mom will tell me is that I'm just like him and a pain in the ass. She doesn't let me see many of his pics and stuff....remember, I never did find his binder and I'm really good at finding things. Apparently, for awhile, I was daddy's girl and would stay up all night with him. And when I sat on my grandpa's porch last month and told him about my teratoma tumor, I was thinking of my dad and really wishing he were here too. And when I looked up, I was looking at the garage.....the one my mom painted a wizard and castle on around the time my father passed away. At that moment, I didn't see a wizard, I saw my dad. He was there, his eyes were looking at me and I felt his love. I knew he was with me and I know now that he always is.
After lots of research, the best and cheapest place to buy my domain, mysticstarlite.com, was from godaddy.com <3
The pic below is the only one I saw of my dad until I found the bar one. Of course my mom let me have this one, she's still in love with him and she's pregnant with me there. I've had it for as long as I can remember. For many years, it was taped to the wall next to my mirror in my closet. For about eight months now, it has sat on my desk in the living room.