Connection 2

September 29, 2015

6/5/15 Friday

I woke up thinking I was going on a date this day.

I was talking to a guy that I thought I was in love with for 16 years. We talked about going on a date. I woke up happy and thinking it was the day. I dressed up in my favorite leggings, tiger striped, my fav boots, brown and the new, really sexy brown shirt I bought for this outfit. I was tired of wearing black and that's all I use to have that matched those pants.

 

My cousin M came over for highlights, we drank maragarita's. I found out, on Facebook, that I graduated High School 17 years ago, that exact day, on a Friday. I wanted to cry. 17 years and I'm still alone. And then, by 4:20, I knew he wasn't coming. I was sad, drinking and my cousin left to take care of her 5 kids.

 

 

So I walked next door to be with my best friend, M

 

And guess who did show up??

 

Boston

 

We sat there at least four hours, smoking and talking, just four of us. I gave him my flavored papers, I sat myself in front of him and I didn't look him in the eyes. My uncle stopped by, twice. The music was great but no one got up to see what station it was on. I bet it was 88.9, I graduated in 98. My cousin was whispering in my ear, "it's meant to be, you should take him home."

 

I thought about it

But he's married

He didn't talk to me much

Or look me in the eyes

 

And I just got stood up

By someone I knew 16 years

I've been abandoned all my life

I'm alone

 

I wasn't taking a married man home

 

The next day, my friend W sent us on a ride alone. The second time we were alone. Wonder if he remembers the first time??  I didn't write about that either, I was in school, fighting My Devil. But my Taurus father left us alone for 5 minutes. I was nervous when I knew it was happening but I trust my father and it was good. I was calm and it went well for me.

 

The car ride, I can't remember what we talked about, my eyes were on the road but I did see Luck and I remember what I felt. And I do remember talking about the guy I use to drive around Sunbury when I was 18-19, as I'm driving Boston to Sunbury. I guess neither of us were paying attention then. I wonder what was on the radio??

 

I like to think "Style" Taylor Swift

 

 

I stayed there, in Sunbury, with my friend and brother because he needed me. He loves me. He told me he needed me. And when Boston did go back to the wife, I brought Blaine here to help. To help us and help him self.

 

I made this site when Boston left for TX....same state I ran away to, 13 years ago. And my tattoo guy just happen to call and want to do my scorpion tattoo, at the same time. I think 13 is Lucky

 

I've been packing things, wondering if I'm moving away or getting ready to have my house fixed. I don't feel like I belong here right now. It doesn't feel like home anymore. I know that I can do anything I want. I went through clothes and got rid of some. But I kept two books on my shelf. My dream dictionary and my name book.

 

Yesterday, 9/28/15 11:55am, while Shut Up and Dance was playing, I took pics. I have iphone, it's time stamped. I finally looked up Boston's name. And you won't believe what it says. I hope he starts believing soon, I'm awful lonely and when he believes, I can move on.

 

"Ain't It Funny J.Lo, the original, not the remix

 

 

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