The Train - Downtown

6:25am

I left my mountain sad and crying. I'm losing faith. Again. "Cool for the Summer" came on and I turned my car off to wait for my papers. As I sat there crying, I thought about how cold and late it was getting and I thought that I better see the train this morning, having to wait alone while I'm sad. When I had my daughter with me, it came around 3:20. I've been looking for it. Below is a pic of the paper that is with my papers and the man who delivers them, he writes what time he gets there. See:

When I left the gas station, "Behind Blue Eyes" was on. I'm not one for The Who but that's a great song.

As I was going down BS Rd....right before it turns to S Rd, "Like A Prayer" was playing. I was at the "Riley's". They get the paper and their son is dating one of my relatives. We know a few Rileys, spelled different ways, first and last names. I'm Lucky. They have a wishing well in their yard, with lights <3

That train came. 3:21 AM

I sat there and videoed it coming, with their mailbox in view. I rode along with the train, on S Rd, as another Madonna song played. All the way to Jennie's Lane. Where the family of my elementary school best friend lives. They don't get the paper but some of their neighbors do. It's down the road from where I found the dog who rode along with me one night.

TLC played and I thought that was amazing. I heard a commercial on Spotify for them Wednesday and have been playing that song at home.

I'm not writing about deer anymore. There were way too many out there this morning. It's that time of year, they are every where and not so special. I didn't see anything else significant while out there. But I stopped at Sunoco for my bad habit. "Imagine" was playing and I was thinking of dreams. There were two red trucks there, I dreamed about red trucks remember?? One of them happened to be an old friend who's wedding I had attended. With the guy I dated who thinks he's Superman. The last guy I really liked, same first name as the guy who killed himself in high school and the guy my best friend M set me up with. The friend I met this morning, he's a good guy. His initials are CH and both of their last names are similar to another person I know who's last name starts with an H.

My Devil. I did love him. He had an accent, was covered in tattoos, listened to music all day and loved to dance. And then hearing "Maps".....I decided that what I was thinking all morning is definitely what I want to do. I left this mountain sad. I'm not happy here, I don't feel at home. I dream about being alone, here and I don't want that. I went to school and found someone I loved. We felt each other but we didn't know how to talk to each other. It'd be nice if he came and took me away to Jamaica.

Cause I met someone last night with an awesome tattoo. It had the words devil and angel....I'm getting one too. I told the guy I would. But I know that dream of dancing with My Devil is never happening, even tho I did dress up for him, one Friday at school and for Halloween. I even wore wigs.....and he loved it.

Him and I burned that bridge pretty good.

Half of last nights songs made me think of him. He did believe in me and pretty much begged for his birth chart the entire time, inspiring me to do this shit.... So I've decided that I'm going to find money for an RV. My friend at Sunoco told me where there is a nice one, real cheap. Too bad my mom spent all her money. My brother Blaine has proven that he can take care of me. I will have him drive me around. My daughter is old enough to be home schooled and finally wants to. I hate the snow, maybe I can find a new home, some where very warm.

Have you noticed that I'm really good at finding things ;))

10:22am

I just remembered that Press Enterprise stopped me on the street one day. I was walking out of Salvation Army in Danville, no make-up, hair not done, wind blowing, I was so embarassed. They asked me what my dream job was. I said something that will allow me to travel. I have the following pic on my fridge, I'm working on finding out what date it was.

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