Can't Sleep


12:42am

I'm tired. I was up and doing things today. More than I have in awhile. I would love a nap before delivering papers but I'm back to being afraid of sleep (mostly the dreams). Just wonderful. I'm so sad. All I keep thinking about is how I don't want to be here. I don't think I belong in this time. Everyone is busy chasing money, sex and drugs. No one cares about their hearts and love anymore. I thought I was here to help change that but I don't feel a difference. This World really is Hell. I know I don't belong in Hell. I wish I could leave. I'm glad I don't have to get gas or anything. I can't stop crying again and I don't want to meet The One looking like this. Though I would hope he'd still like me, flaws and all. I hope that he would want to make me smile. Considering how hard that is to do anymore, I really do hope The One is prepared for a woman who is so damaged she doesn't know how to be happy. If not, I'm doomed to be alone forever. I've got a heartache that ain't ever going away for as long as I'm stuck in this house being the girl next door who doesn't have a man. I really do need Superman. I need to be taken away from here for awhile so I can breathe and hopefully smile a real smile again. Where the fuck is he?? I'm tired of waiting. I'm not happy to be going out to deliver papers lonely and crying again, to be facing surgery in 14 days. On a tumor that we have no idea what is doing to my insides or what it may look like, the tumor or my insides. I'm freaking out and alone. Not cool. I'm ready to stop crying and build an empire.

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