Post Surgery


So I was wrong about something. I forgot how much I like two's and believe everything has two meanings. My surgeon was right in wanting to get this tumor out. He has good instincts and he is my hero. My left fallopian tube was severely infected and was removed. He knew the teratoma was not what was making me sick but couldn't find anything in my blood or cat scan. I'm so lucky.

If I remember correctly, he said my ovary was great but is no use to me. I wonder if my eggs are young and healthy enough to sell?? Women would love to have my cool. And the best news, my right ovary is good and I can still have kids. Another dream I hope comes true, I always wanted twins, till I didn't want kids anymore. But.....I'm in love with that dream again, I almost had a twin so I should have the genes for it and I'm really lucky. The teratoma was not as gross as I expected it to be. It did not have a tooth, just a lot of calcium build-up, lots. And some hair mixed in. I think it looks like clouds. Very interesting.

I was also wrong about not wanting or needing help. I can't cook and I didn't prepare any foods and I'm sorry but my mom is an awful cook, I can't stand the thought of eating something she made. I like my food flavored and cooked all the way. She knows all this but still cooks it the way she likes it and wonders why I don't eat it. I also did not know that surgery was so painful afterwards and it's been a rough 24 hours. I thought I was going to die alone a few times now. I'm getting bloated and might have to go to the doctor again :(

I was also wrong about friends coming to visit, I really have picked some shitty friends. No one has come to see me and I'm extremely lonely now. I don't even know anyone who shares or trades green anymore, they are all greedy and want that stupid paper. But that's alright. If I can make it through this alone and sober, I will just be like my mom and spend my life alone. I guess she's on to something, huh??

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