Today

8:10pm

I hid this page for what, two days?? I enjoyed the silence it gave. I thought. But nothing is going right. Any little thing that can go wrong, does. It's stupid BS but it's stressing me out. I thought about deleting some or all of the previous posts but I have better things to do. I was given a ride to Walmart yesterday. I don't know if I was ready for that but I did it. Not fun. I drove one of those motor chairs around. It was ridiculous. I might have been better off walking. The thing was so touchy that I threw myself around a lot, people didn't see me and get out of my way, most looked at me like I was a bitch for being in it. And the bumps, OMG, I should have walked or stayed home. But I've got lots of food and was finally able to print pics for my friend who is away. He's getting a huge envelope this time. His normal letter that's like a novel, his birth chart that I finally finished and of course the 36 questions to falling in love that he asked for. And a bunch of pics he wanted plus some extra. I'm sending a pic of his cat covered in pink chalk from sleeping in a box of chalk. She looked so funny and cute. She will always be his but I've had her for so long, he's never getting her back now, she loves her home here.

Anyway, I was having another rough day and I'm sure the people in this house are sick of hearing me screaming, bitching obscenties and being pissed off at the state of this house. Seriously, why does everyone depend on me to keep it clean?? I obviously wasn't able to handle it before and just had surgery so I'm not suppose to lift or do strenuous exercise. And hello people, sweeping and scrubbing this huge floor is strenuous. And so is standing around for three hours to cook and clean up the dishes that pile up because no one else wants to do it. I'm grateful that the dishwasher has finally been learned and being used, that's one thing I finally don't have to stress over. Why don't I want my mom helping?? She came over, went in my living room, boxed up a bunch of my personal stuff and took some of it with her!! Am I dead?? WTF.....there's a sink full of dishes that can't go in the washer, a garbage that's overflowing and she has a house full of stuff......how is packing my stuff helping??? How about when I do ask her to do the dishes....she not only does them, she throws things away and rearranges my entire kitchen so that when I come out for a drink, I can't find my cups!!! Not helpful, not cool. Yea, the woman is trying to kick me out again, it was confirmed over dinner Sunday night while I laid in the hospital. She seems to have forgotten that she finally signed the house over like she was suppose to....IT'S MINE

So I turned on Spotify hoping I could shower and relax. On my phone, I can't chose what to play, shuffle only. So I went to the page of songs I have saved and hit shuffle. I'm surprisingly amazed at what it played. I shoudn't be at this point, right?? And of course I made a playlist as it went and opened this page back up. Some one is listening. So please, tell me why I'm going through so much Hell alone?? This is the toughest thing I have ever lived trough and I'm really broken over being forced to take care of myself like this. It's so shitty when you can't get comfortable after spending hours cooking and cleaning for others. It's really the pits when you finally do get comfortable and realize that nothing is within reach, absolutely nothing. Or that one extra pillow you could really use, is way too far to grab. Then you have to start over, take ten minutes to get what you need and then take another ten minutes before you are comfortable again. It's absolute Hell

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