Woo hoo.....I really am happy again. I fell asleep with a big smile but woke up sad. I was lonely and upset that I'm alone again. And I didn't remember my dreams. But maybe that's a good thing. My friends dream about me made me remember something else I want. And her dream tells me that I will get it. So I started getting happy again. I'm not completely alone, I had quite a few messages from friends when I awoke. I actually cooked some real food again. I intended on attempting my first shepherds pie but it got too late and I don't quite have the energy to stand around that much yet. So it's just meat, potatoes and veggies not mixed. Still good. I love cooking and miss it. Then a Taurus came to visit and get me high. Not the one I was expecting, my Taurus father said he was coming to visit this week. But it was my favorite Taurus and she wants some of my recipes now, she never heard of shepherds pie. Now I'm extremely happy. I'm high and I know that I'm right about most of the shit I write about. It's not in my head. I should have asked W what he meant when he asked me to go to the bar and act like stuff never happened. We didn't talk for two months W, so what happened?? HUH???
I'm happy because I was finally strong enough to block Boston's thoughts of death and take my happiness back from him. I"m sorry Boston but your fake mask is about to break and you're going to remember. I was asked to let Boston live with me ever since February, Valentine's Day. The night I met Max and played happily with him in Boston's kitchen for a couple hours. I said I wanted the dog if Boston ever got rid of it. Remember yet?? And remember that Boston tried to come to my house later that week?? So we could talk and see if he could live with me, not just the dog?? I haven't forgotten. I thought about it ever since and I can't forget nor will I, how can I when you all made me think about it from February until August. When you all saved me by breaking my heart. I watched us get tattoos at the same time, some of his were similar to ones I have even. Anyone else remembering this?? Yea, I'm right. He was suppose to be here with me and help me through surgery but he was on drugs and I was sick. We didn't know how to communicate. He's been scared and stealing my happiness. But I'm ok now and I'm keeping my happiness. And yea, it hurts and it's going to be tough to get over but I know that it's going to be okay. I'm not going to tell him to fuck off. Why would I push him back in to the drugs?? I haven't forgotten who he was the three years I knew him before the drugs. And I think we all liked that guy better. I definitely did, he seemed happy so I left him alone.
I can only stay happy and hope that I can stay happy while I wait. Because Boston was right when he said I was awesome, I am awesome but the drugs made him forget.
P.S. I'm going to open my big mouth and say that Blaine has talked to me about Boston's wife. He seems to think pretty greatly of her. And did you know that he doesn't like drugs at all, not even weed, he would prefer to stay sober.