"Cigarette Daydreams"

7:19pm

I started to get upset because of my roommate. He made me feel bad over a business deal, twice now. But seriously, if you don't tell me, how am I suppose to know?? And then I was upset because people do like to keep me in the dark. So many people think I'm this innocent child who doesn't need to know anything.

But then I got on Facebook and remembered who I am. And that nothing stays hidden from me. My friend D posted something about a girl going to rock it like the naughty witch of the East. Hmmm...I love Rock N Roll, I'm naughty, I'm a witch and I live in the East. Another friend shared a bonfire pic with lots of friends. And my red headed girlfriend is coming to visit. Haven't seen her in awhile. Talking to her reminded me of my Sunoco visit this morning. Running in to B.H. when the other one is in jail, yea, nothing escapes me. I'm still happy about it, this B.H. literally stopped me by putting his hand on my shoulder, then looked in my eyes and had serious concern for me. That was really nice of him. Especially since this morning's music and John Tesh's show.....ask how some one else is because stress is contagious.

B.H. had a girl in the car and she was one pissed off woman. Who looked just like my red headed friend, the one who has had an affair with the B.H. who is in jail. Yea, no kidding, looked the same with red hair even. I can't help wondering why she was so pissed off. Stress is contagious. I've been stressing and causing others to hurt. All because Boston B decided to talk about him self and never asked about me.

So magical that this morning's B showed up and showed me concern. I don't think we ever said one word to each other before, just been in the same places, observing each other but he said he knew me and thought we had talked. Hmmm. Now I really want to talk about something that's bothering me. I keep saying about giving up the good to go for the great. I've talked to so many women lately who are with good. They have asked me if they should go for the magic they feel and see with someone else. They are afraid to leave the safety and security of the good for something new. But seriously ladies, look at me. I've spent most of my life alone because I believe in the magic and I want nothing less. I have something good living in my basement. But it's not great, it's not magic. It is free to do what it wants because I would rather wait alone. It bothers me that a good woman like me can't find magic because I deserve a good man but he's with something good. And if I know a few ladies holding on to good, think about it, they are hurting their significant other and the people they are each to be with. Say I know three woman with three men. Those six people could find magic with six other people. That's twelve people being hurt and decieved by three relationships. Fucked up right??

And that's why I'm here. It's why I don't believe in marriage. Not yet anyway. Some of these women say that they love their good thing but they wouldn't marry it!?!? Why not?? If it's not that special, why are you together?? I've also talked to women who have given up the good because they believe. They want magic. Like my new friend A.J. who needed a ride to work. She bought me drinks at the local dive when I was an alcoholic, I'm returning the favor. Her usual ride is in Boston for a couple days. Can you believe that?? Yea, A.J. is going through hell right now. I've just been there, I don't mind helping her at all. Especially since she believes in magic and is looking for it with me.

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