Damn......I guess my body is still healing. I'm feeling like such a bum. I lay down every morning to take a nap but end up sleeping an enitre eight hours, sometimes more. Some people think I should have healed weeks ago, me, I'm thinking I should be healed right about now but my body says otherwise. And I guess I was sick for an awful long time. Most likely two years I was fighting this infection, of course it's going to take some time, the infection was in my core. I'm definitely feeling a lot better but nowhere near 100% unfortunately.
I was thinking, my name meaning book is about fifteen years old. I should buy a newer edition. After all, I googled Blaine and Bruce, I like those meanings better than my book. I have been living in a fog. I feel like an idiot. I decided to do hair for a living because I can touch people and help them, it doesn't bother me. It's when they touch me that I have a problem. They usually need help and they usually don't want it. And being the person I am, I dream about them and I want to help. But when it's some one like Boston, well, my life becomes a nightmare. I really have to remember not to let anyone touch me anymore. I'm broken enough. I've broken myself; with my own thoughts, my own hopes, my own expectations, I know that I can't fix myself. Yea, Blaine says I'm too broken for an asshole like Boston anyway. But I don't completely agree. I think we are all broken and are here to help heal each other. I'm not looking for perfect, I'm looking for some one just as broken as me so that our pieces can fit together and make us perfect together. I've been crying for a little over three years and every day is harder. Like W says, life is a struggle for him, well it's a struggle for me to open my eyes and live every day and not bawl my eyes out because I'm looking for some one who is perfect for me, no matter how broken they may be. It's all I want and need and all I think about