I want to start off by saying that another married man hit on me today. Well, kind of, he told me he liked me. I said that it was flattering and all but he's married. See, I know he's not happy, I'm sure a lot of people know but I also know that he's not going to be happy with me. Yea, we've smoked and touched fingers but I don't feel him or dream about him. I'm pretty sure that there is nothing I can do to help him. Plus, they've only been married for a little over a year, marriage is a big deal, he should try for at least one more year, right?? I was honest and reminded him that he's married because he didn't say a damn thing about that. Every person is different. I fought with my mom earlier over this. She doesn't really care what anyone is going through, ever. She sees we are unloading pellets and is pissed that Blaine is not helping. She didn't care that he's sick, that he might not even be here, there are no lights on downstairs nor did it matter that he's the one filling the pellet stove every day and taking care of it for us. Oh no, she couldn't empathize with him at all. I was pissed and walked away from her bitching up a storm (I can't lift forty pounds yet). I don't know why that woman can't understand and feel for others. She's suppose to be psychic too, I got it from her. And I think I handle others pretty well. Unfortunately, Boston is on my mind again. I'm trying not to pay attention to anything when I'm out in society anymore but when I do, I see what I see. I'm very confident about the way I handled it. Boston told me I was awesome, talked about living with me and almost knocked on my door......after playing with my fingers. I didn't sleep with the guy, I didn't even touch him. But Boston didn't want to believe that I am who I am and that I see him, feel him and dream about him, all the time. He came around here, living too close and looking for pity. I was sick, I was dying and his thoughts were making it a hundred times harder for me. So when he had the nerve to talk to me, after I said I didn't want to talk to him and after I washed my car in my bikini. What did he think that meant?? It was a fuck you, this is what you gave up. I didn't need to hear any excuses, it was already clear that he didn't want me, he wasn't with me. And all he wanted to tell me was that he was afraid to leave his wife!!! I knew it was true, I mean, who says that?? Why the fuck wouldn't he say, "I'm in love with my wife.....I want to make her happy"?? Cause he doesn't love her and I was right.....he is a coward and he needed to get the fuck away from me so I could live. If he wants to pretend he's happy now, he better stay with her and her family and build his own life so that I can have mine. I'm not staying the hot, single girl next door, I need and deserve love.
As for magic. I did the cleansing spell on myself during the Full Moon. I cleansed myself twice and my entire home with sage. All to remove the negative energy from me and my home. I also did a candle spell. Mostly for me but I like to share and I want my whole World to be happy. The candle spell was for endings, transformation and enlightenment to bring forth new life and love. And of course they say your thoughts mean everything and that you get what you think about. I've always believed, I've always been good at getting what I want, except love. But as sad as I am, I still constantly think about the kind of love I want. I imagine what it would be like if I had my True Love with me at all times. I imagine the things he would say and do for me. And after at least twenty years of this, I believe it's all finally working. I mean, I did just go through one year and two months of Hell, facing my Devil and Death but my life is still only good.....and I deserve something grand because I've been kind, honest and real my whole life