"Lonely No More"
Hanging out with my friend the other day when she asks me if I can even have sex. Not sure where that came from but no, I definitely can't. I'm still sore and swollen inside, I can barely move or spread my legs.....nothing is touching me down there. Not even a hand or a finger. And I'm so okay with that. I went two years without, twice now. It's been seven and a half months this time, I'm good. It's been an awful long time since I have met some one who genuinely cares about me. You know, some one who enjoys talking to me, likes looking at my face, staring in my eyes, holding my hand and cuddling with me. Yea, I want that. I want love. I'm tired of only being wanted for my sex. I'm an awesome, amazing woman and I want to be loved, not fucked. It's really hard and my life has become a struggle. Which is my own fault, I still haven't learned that I can't help everyone and that most people are just selfish assholes who don't believe in True Love....so I should keep my heart to myself. Maybe some day soon I will meet The One who is meant to protect and love my heart. I know I don't want another lover or another lesson, "it's just another heartache on my list." I want Real, True Love and I'm waiting for that. In fact, after all I've been through in the last year, you're really going to have to prove you want to be with me before I even let you hold my hand or kiss me. No one is getting that close for a long time. Especially since I'm getting my Mirena taken out Thursday. I wish I had more time to heal but the appointment has been made for a long time and it's the seventh, I feel like it's time. And from what I've heard, it's going to make me hurt for awhile 😞
P.S. My daughter came home with a present from a boy. A My Little Pony piggy bank, her favorite pony. She says he told her that he took a long time to find it and she loves it. I'm so emotional over this. My baby isn't a baby. I told her that he probably likes her, she blushed and changed the subject. She still doesn't care about boys. That's great. I'm also happy because, if a boy can like and accept my daughter's love for My Little Pony, even when she's in seventh grade, I believe she won't ever have the problems I do. And I'm a little jealous, I want a guy who brings me presents 😁